How I Met Your Goat
by howimetyourgoat
Summary: The year is 2035. The final happend as orginal, but this time the story line will go far away from all straight. Follow the gangs life, the love dramas and last but not least find the answer to how I met your goat. This fanfiction contains Swarkles shipping! :D
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 We are young

" _ **Give me a second I.**_

 _ **I need to get my story straight.**_

 _ **My friends are in the bathroom getting higher than the Empire State**_

 _ **My lover she's waiting for me just across the bar.**_ _"_

 **Valentine's Day 2035  
** It was an unique day in the february of 2035,and 45 seconds from now, I'll meet the love of my the sun stroke through the windows of the bar, I sat there all alone. In the middle of thinking of my friends wonderful lives, I kind of knew that from this day forward everything will change. Once again.

Lily and Marshall decided to spend Valentine's Day in Paris, keeping in mind the last trip to Paris with Karen,ruining the whole trip. Marshall planned a romantic dinner in a restaurant with an incredible view on the Eiffel Tower.

Barney is married to Virginia for 10 years and spent the day with her, but can't give up being a womanizer. He planned a day at the annual laser tag competition, which is always set on 14th of february. Virginia complained about the way Barney had planned to spend the special day of the year, and wanted Barney to be more romantic and caring.

Robin spent time with an old friend back from Canada, Jessica Glitter, at Hoser Hut. Robin was really disappointed that her father didn't visit her in the last days and therefore started drinking Scotch. Second Scotch. Third Scotch…. and that all night. Jessica tried to pull Robin out of the bar, but it all ended with her burst into "Oh Canada". Some few drinks later, Robin confess her feeling for Paul Schaffer, and suddenly he showed up in the bar…

I pictured this day as one of these love dramas back from the 80s, and started to prepare the whole bar with roses and hearts everywhere, appreciating the best day of the year. Out of nowhere did the beautiful sunshine transform into rain hitting the windows, and I swear to this day I saw a rainbow. Suddenly the rain stopped. And there she was. In a white lovely wedding dress, the most beautiful one I've ever seen. Suddenly we were so close to each other, that I swear that I could smell her blouse. Because blouses is awesome. And a man can totally pull that of. "Omg, RED BOOTS!". I was flattered. I have never seen a girl with such a great taste in fashion. This must be a soulmate thing. Before I knew it, I went on knees. "Will you marry me?".

" _ **So if by the time the bar closes**_

 _ **And you feel like falling down**_

 _ **I'll carry you home tonight"**_


	2. Chapter 2 Soldier

Chapter 2 Soldier

 _ **Afraid of what they might lose**_

 _ **Might get scraped or they might get bruised.**_

 _ **You could beg them, what's the use?**_

 _ **That's why it's called a moment of truth**_

" **You seriously proposed to** _ **Krirsten**_ **?!", Barney asked Ted over the phone  
"Marriage is stupid, Ted. Don't get married until you are 30, because settling down is for losers"**

 **-But I am over 30!  
"Did I ever tell the story of how we, Robin and me, met Krirsten."  
\- No, you didn't. Probably one of your legendary nights, when you used to write the playbook?! Was it the night you wanted to have a devil's threeway with a goat and one of your bimbos?!  
"It was the 19th century. An across the pub, was sitting a blonde, crazy mistress. And she sure don't want to miss it. Twas the night before New Year's**

 **And the weather grew mean. Twas there in the morning, and I was stranded in Queens. Back in her cave, she prepared us a snack. Neath her mighty hooves, the floorboards did crack"**

 **-Barney, that just a recreated version of the sexless innkeeper.**

" **Do you tell me that i'm not orginal?!"**

 **-Basically. Yes.**

" **No way! Friendship over!"**

 **-Bro, seriously?**

" **I said. Friendship over!"**

"Virginia! What a son have you raised?"

-What are you saying my dear?!

"By the way, did you already sign the divorce papers?"  
-We first have to talk with Ted…  
"OH NO Virginia. We want the wedding couple to stay at cloud 7. Which mother would miss her son's wedding?!"  
-WHAT? Ted is engaged?!  
 **  
**Barney had just experienced real life without long legendary nights and thought of the old the old good times without commitment and lame step-sons, who don't wear suits. **  
**He started ordering a scotch and heard a familiar voice coming across towards his table.

-Hey Swarles. **  
**"Scherbatsky ,where is your suit? You should really read my blog." **  
**\- I haven't heard anything from Ted, is he still dating that one bimbo from last week?  
"No,no. He took the big move. He's engaged.

\- Ted's proposal is as serious as the Canadian hockey team in the winter. Who's the lucky

girl Teddy wants to marry?

"His name is micheal. Just kidding, its Krirsten"

 _-Krirsten?! Krirsten, like our long-term arch enemy?! What happened to her fiancé?_

"Ted said something like destiny and the universe, the love of his life and all that

crap, then I decided not to listen anymore."

\- Why are you sitting here all alone?

"Life...legendary."

\- Barnacle, again one of your challenges? I told you to stop having a goat in your garden.

"But the ladies love the goat…"

-The same goat you made out with in the devil's threeway last summer….?

"This challenge was your idea, Sparkles."

-We are an awesome team, aren't we?!

"Yeah we are."

-But ehm...wanna play battleship tonight?

"Sure. Your place?

-You know my new music video, Sparkles volume 5?

 _30 minutes later_

"Should I put it in?"  
-The music video or little Barney?  
He winked towards Robin.  
"Your choice, Scherbatsky. Remember the last time..."

 _ **I know you don't believe it,**_

 _ **But I said it and I still mean it,**_

 _ **When you heard what I told you,**_

 _ **When you get worried I'll be your soldier.**_


	3. Chapter 3 Complicated

Chapter 3 Complicated

 _ **Sometimes I get you, Sometimes I don't understand.**_

 _ **Sometimes I love you, Sometimes it's you I can't stand.**_

 _ **Sometimes I wanna hug you, Sometimes I wanna push you away.**_

"What have you against a DJ?

-I just don't want one to my wedding  
"I just kind of the experience that things go wrong with a DJ. At my mother's first wedding there was one and that led to their divorce in the end."'

-That's just rubbish. You know that Ted.

"Well, at least my last wife knew me better than you. _Krirsten!_  
-But your wife is dead, Evelyn. You are still talking about her all the time, this is really annoying. Have you ever heard me talking about one of my stupid former boyfriends?  
"But Tracy was different… She was the best thing which ever happened to me."  
-I'm the best thing that ever happened to you!

" Well, how do you then explain your behaviour, every time I can't do perfect? And you can't even live up to your own standards, you give to others! "  
-Teddy Bear, I'm sorry. I just feel offended when you talk about Tracy all the time.

"But Tracy is my past, present and future.

Krirsten was grooming the goat in the living room .She owned the goat for almost 10 years and there actually was a time where the goat disappeared...and nobody could find it. At least not Krirsten… But more to that story later.

"OMG! THE GOAT!

-Calm down Ted. It's just a goat.

"This isn't just a goat. This is the goat!

-What do I don't know?

"You don't know a lot of things. Hush. It's me and the goat now."

-What up?  
"Barney you have to come to my apartment immediately!"  
-Why? If you want to have a suit, I can just call my suit guy.  
"Barney, THE GOAT"  
-You had that nightmare again? Seriously there is no goat.  
"There is… And she wants revenge."

 _ **Sometimes I catch you, Sometimes you get away**_

 _ **Sometimes I read you, Other times I'm like, 'Where are you on the page?**_

TO BE CONTINUED...


	4. Chapter 4 Just A Dream

Chapter 4 Just a dream

 _ **I was at the top and now it's like I'm in the basement**_

 _ **Number one spot and now he find him a replacement**_

 _ **I swear now I can't take it, knowing somebody's got my baby**_

 _ **And now you ain't around baby I can't think**_

 _ **I should've put it down, should've got the ring**_

"Morning, Scherbatsky"

-Aww, breakfast on bed. That's sweet of you Barney-

"Anything for my favorite Canadian"

Barney winked, while dressing up. Or should I say suiting up...

-We can't tell anyone, I mean you're married to Virginia…

"Sure", Barney said while slowly fading out.  
-Sometimes I really think of where our relationship would have been gone if I had broken up with Kevin that night instead of breaking up with you.  
"Robin, that is like 10 years ago. Don't worry about that anymore... We would have broken up anyways..." Barney tried to change the subject, because there was one thing Robin didn't know about that night...  
\- Barney, what else happened that night?  
"You don't remember anymore, Sparkles?"  
-Ted told me you wanted to propose that night.  
"It is 10 years ago, not worth talking about."

Barney and Robin shared a look

"Maybe I should leave?"

Robin gave her best poker face, while lying

-You are free to leave, it's not like this means anything.

Barney closed the door behind him and headed towards the "Fortress of Barnitude" after being moved out at Virginia's.  
During Barney left, Robin was thinking about all the "what if's" in their former relationships. Did he really want to propose to her? In the time Barney used to be the player king of New York City. How could she break up with him, if she didn't they probably still be a couple and Robin didn't have to make it through the worst day of her life.  
By pretending to be okay with the situation, they at least stayed good friends in each other's life instead of drifting apart.

 _10 years ago, New Jersey  
Day of Barney's wedding_

" _Will you be my best man, Scherbatsky?"  
\- Sounds like a proposal but yes I will..  
Do you think it is a good idea to marry Virginia? I always thought of you as a bachelor ,at least until a crazy chick murders you one day. Lily and Marshall even have bets on that situation.  
_" _Me too. But I guess it's for the better, I love Virginia and I think if it doesn't work with her, it wouldn't work with anyone…"  
These words hurt Robin like a knife directly hitting her heart, she always wanted to be the girl who changes Barney and give him up his entire bachelor life for her or at least the one he loved no matter how bad things got.  
-How did you propose to her by the way? One of your legen-waitforit-dary plays from your playbook?  
_" _Not this time. We were out for dinner and talked for some hours and then she accidentally found a ring in her champagne. I swear it wasn't mine, it was arranged for another couple but then we discussed like mature adults and considered to marry one day and that day is about to come."  
-And your awesome bachelor party?  
_" _Nah, not that time. I don't want something special, something casual is okay for me."  
She couldn't believe her eyes, other people dream of their weddings. Barney Stinson of his bachelor party , well planning legendary bachelor parties for other people at least, but now he just wants a casual party with his best friends.  
_" _Can you help me writing my vows?"  
\- I know we didn't work out the first time I know we didn't work out the first time and I know it doesn't make any sense and I know it doesn't make any sense but I can't shake the feeling that we belong together._

 _ **but I can't shake this feeling that we belong together.**_ _  
She meant every word but not as his vows to Virginia, more as her vows to him._

 _ **So I travelled back, down that road**_

 _ **Will he come back, no one knows**_

 _ **I realize yeah, it was only just a dream**_


	5. Chapter 5 Hey There Delilah Part 1

Chapter 5 Hey there Delilah

 _ **Hey there Delilah**_

 _ **What's it like in New York City**_

 _ **I'm a thousand miles away, but bro**_

 _ **Tonight you look so handsome**_

 _ **Yes you do**_

In 2035, Marshall and Lily were living in Rome. Lily worked in her dream job as an art consultor, while Marshall were living the Italian dream. But even though he loved his life in Italy, he did feel kind of lonely.

 _One night in the middle of the hot italian summer he caught himself thinking of Ted, in a way it isn't ordinary to think of a bro.  
This night he had a dream, Ted a strong man standing in front of him, protecting him from the cold. He appeared covered in blood, focusing his lovely brown eyes on Marshall's. His shirt was teared apart and scars were covering his whole body. And he was wearing those damn sexy hot red boots, Marshall secretly adored._

 _Marshall blushed while he was reaching for Ted's hands. Ted grabbed his, and for a moment did they both blush. Ted looked Marshall in the eyes, and Marshall ended up giving Ted his coat. Since the moment Marshall and Ted had their first road trip back in college, Marshall had a crush on Ted and he couldn't shake the feeling that they had the chemistry that just doesn't go away._

 _Marshall biggest dream was to drive away towards the sunset, with Ted by his side, and drive to get married in Atlantic City. They stood in line to get permission to get married, and while they waited did Ted look Marshall in eyes, and said the three words, he always dreamed about hearing:_ _ **I love bacon...**_

They arrived at the desk, but had forgotten the money. Therefore Ted did drive to the nearest city to get some cash at a local bank. While Ted was driving in the middle of nowhere, he looked into the sunset, thinking of Marshall. The sun sets and the stars soon covered the whole sky. _**If Marshall was here now…**_

 _ **A thousand miles seems pretty far**_

 _ **But they've got planes and trains and cars**_

 _ **I'd walk to you if I had no other way**_


	6. Chapter 5 Part 2

**Part 2**

Ted was still thinking through about Krirsten. Suddenly he got a text message from Marshall. _  
_" _Oh baby, I want to hold your hand right now. Really hard. Now. I'm picturing dirty stuff with you, but you are too far away from me. I want to hold you tonight."_

Like watching a Argentinian guitar player, Ted's heart melted into one big blush. He hopelessly held the pillow to hide his blush, and was thinking of him… Marshall... _  
_The message he received from Marshall was just too tempting because he was feeling the same way about him, but what would Krirsten think of all that? She wouldn't be happy for sure to find out that her fiancé was hopelessly and irretrievably in love with his long term best friend from college. But Ted couldn't shake the feeling that the both of them belong together, it was like something from an old movie. It wasn't love at first sight but something else magical and the way Ted felt about him was more than bromance, but on the other side he felt bad for Lily. He would betrayed her. But he needs Marshall; they never spent even a single week apart before Rome. They always lived in the same apartment, were hanging out with the others at MacLaren's. Ted couldn't take it anymore, his feelings were too overwhelming to repress them, he took out his mobile and immediately responded to the text message.  
" _Marshmallow, I want to be with you now, holding hands and cuddling. Looking deep into your gorgeous eyes and get lost in them. I realized that you have always been the one for me. You need to come back to New York then we can do dirty stuff, just the both of us. Lily doesn't need to know about any of that…"_

 _ **A thousand miles seems pretty far**_

 _ **But they've got planes and trains and cars**_

 _ **I'd walk to you if I had no other way**_


End file.
